?

Log in

While there's life, there is hope
November 2009
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
 
 
 
 
 
Mon, Nov. 2nd, 2009 12:39 am

October has been a crazy month, and November probably will be,too.
I have had been dealing with so much things going on.

schoolCollapse )
friendCollapse )
Macy's Job> Good news! I had a interview with Macy's for a job. The boss, Barbara, I hope she liked me, she was lovely! She told me she used to know the signs to a song. But, Barbara completely forgot since she said her mind Collapse )

Tags: , , , , ,
Current Mood: awake awake

4CommentReplyShare

Tue, Jun. 16th, 2009 01:49 pm

http://thejerkx.deviantart.com/art/Bobby-Autism-75613045 Bobby

http://thejerkx.deviantart.com/art/Bob-staring-at-water-43344874 sigh Bob liked to stare

http://thejerkx.deviantart.com/art/Bob-43284893 he loved music in the car

I miss being able to watch him and keeps me busy with life....that kept me out of trouble.

Tags:
Current Mood: crappy crappy

CommentReplyShare

Sun, Jun. 14th, 2009 08:09 pm

On 11th of June, I graduated from high school! I was so happy that I graduated, with 3 of my best friends. My teacher, Dr. Shire is retiring this year!

Dr. Shire has to be my favorite person in the world! She is my 2nd mother. For 4 to 5 years, she has been pushing, encouraging and there to talk to me. Dr. Shire, I will always look up to for her thoughts, wisdom, and jokes. She can see that I can be smart and be on my own. Dr. Shire KNOWS I can do anything on my own, not causing a mess. Unlike my mother.

Jess, Minwoo and Kasey. Are the fucking best friends and siblings I can ask for. They has been there through 4 years of bad and good times in High School. They are the ones who texted me in the morning, pushing me up to come to school just to learn. I fuckin love them kids, just because they pushed and encouraged me to finish high school. They knew my condition, but did not care and pushed me out of my sick sub-conscience to finish.

Mary, lastly I have to thank her. All the times I cry and need to rant. I go to Mary. Sometimes she doesn't understand, but she is very patient. She still gives me good words to go through High School, and finish the years on good terms. Thank you Mary, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.

I am really frustrated right now.
I am trying to have some fun after graduation. But All I get is yelling from my mom, saying I am heartless, mean and stupid.

I emailed her last night, saying I have a friend coming from Ohio thinking it didn't matter to ask her first because my mom forgets what I ask, and doesn't respond for a long time. Plus, I do not communicate well, VERY WELL with my mom.

My friend is coming here primarily because my fellow graduates and I had an original plan to go to the beach. Now, because all of our parents doesn't trust that we are legally "adults" and that we can make plans on our own. We cannot do anything and We had to put up the friend in a hotel in Philadelphia just to figure out our senior week.

I have NO independence, because "I am deaf" means "I make a mess." by planning. I cannot sign with my mom, She has to understand me by email. I cannot do anything on my own, I have to let Mom know where/what I am going/doing. it's like I am a kid having no fun all over. I am nineteen, Jesus Christ. My friends are eighteen, nineteen.


Looks like this year is one hell of a year going through a fight with mom.

Tags: ,
Current Mood: frustrated frustrated

CommentReplyShare

Tue, Jun. 2nd, 2009 03:08 am

Hey guys
I lost my brother, Bob. I don't know how I feel to be honest. I keep saying "so-so" but, I either want to eat.. or tuck myself in the blanket and be stuck there. I know my brother is somewhere in a good place with my dad, Grandma Kay, Pop-pop, uncle Vin, and other family members whom I never met. I didn't want to lose my brother, because he taught so many things, and he made all of us smile in an unique way. But it is just hard,being in a new environment because I am still hoping Bob is downstairs and will nag me to make him food.

This is hard, my family and our lives revolved around Bob. My brother was only 17, a year apart from me and he had Autism. Autism is basically a learning disability disorder, where the brain function differently in parts from the normal brain. Bob had a stroke when he was born, the stroke damaged the brain's function which caused Autism for his life.

Bob with Autism or without autism was very smart, he loved music especially the Beatles. He loved his life, even if it may not seem like that. Bob loved nagging his older sisters and his mother to make his food, hotdogs with applesauce mixed or Yams with sprinkle. With either Blue Clue or Blue Bear House on, He would dance the "windmill" dance as his class called the dance and wait for the hotdogs to be done cooking. He liked going for a drive with his mother, or anybody with music blaring in sunny days or starry nights as he would like to stare out through the window listening to the music. I recall whenever Bob was angry, he would bang a chair to let me know, or lay down on a floor. If it was too much for him, he would go straight to his room, bang his door, and listen to his music. Bob never liked being emotional, always happy and smiling. He had a wonderful sense of humor, this time I remember he laughed at his bowl having some idea to do something; all of sudden he splashed his bowl to the ceiling. I yelled, and all bob did was laugh and laugh. The applesauce from the bowl stick to the ceiling to this day. Bob was a good brother, an awesome student, and best kind of a friend to all of us.

Unfortunately, on Sunday... I do not know how all this happened because I was asleep, no one woke me up until the EMTs came. I will give some details though.
Bob fell asleep in the tub, full of water somehow. My mother checked on him while she was having some breakfast. She noticed Bob's face was blue or purple, and he was not breathing. She called Mary
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj="tropigalia">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Hey guys
I lost my brother, Bob. I don't know how I feel to be honest. I keep saying "so-so" but, I either want to eat.. or tuck myself in the blanket and be stuck there. I know my brother is somewhere in a good place with my dad, Grandma Kay, Pop-pop, uncle Vin, and other family members whom I never met. I didn't want to lose my brother, because he taught so many things, and he made all of us smile in an unique way. But it is just hard,being in a new environment because I am still hoping Bob is downstairs and will nag me to make him food.

This is hard, my family and our lives revolved around Bob. My brother was only 17, a year apart from me and he had Autism. Autism is basically a learning disability disorder, where the brain function differently in parts from the normal brain. Bob had a stroke when he was born, the stroke damaged the brain's function which caused Autism for his life.

Bob with Autism or without autism was very smart, he loved music especially the Beatles. He loved his life, even if it may not seem like that. Bob loved nagging his older sisters and his mother to make his food, hotdogs with applesauce mixed or Yams with sprinkle. With either Blue Clue or Blue Bear House on, He would dance the "windmill" dance as his class called the dance and wait for the hotdogs to be done cooking. He liked going for a drive with his mother, or anybody with music blaring in sunny days or starry nights as he would like to stare out through the window listening to the music. I recall whenever Bob was angry, he would bang a chair to let me know, or lay down on a floor. If it was too much for him, he would go straight to his room, bang his door, and listen to his music. Bob never liked being emotional, always happy and smiling. He had a wonderful sense of humor, this time I remember he laughed at his bowl having some idea to do something; all of sudden he splashed his bowl to the ceiling. I yelled, and all bob did was laugh and laugh. The applesauce from the bowl stick to the ceiling to this day. Bob was a good brother, an awesome student, and best kind of a friend to all of us.

Unfortunately, on Sunday... I do not know how all this happened because I was asleep, no one woke me up until the EMTs came. I will give some details though.
Bob fell asleep in the tub, full of water somehow. My mother checked on him while she was having some breakfast. She noticed Bob's face was blue or purple, and he was not breathing. She called Mary <lj="tropigalia"> to call 911 (police) Mother tried to do cpr, Bob didn't have pulse. EMTs came, I woke up... Mary explained what has had happened. EMTs put Bob on a cot to bring downstairs, I saw.
He had a tube in his mouth, his head turned right... closed eyes with body not moving at all. It was really scary seeing him like that. At this point, the cops told us to get ready to go where he was going.
So EMTs said he had no pulse or oxygen. They kept working on him for about 15 or 25 minutes until a person I think, a chaplan came to us.. said he was stablized. Then, two doctors came in the waiting room that was the size of small bathroom. It was so white, I didn't really understand except they were saying that they wanted to scan Bob to see traumas.
From there, the doctors said they are moving Bob to ICU and we walked up to ICU waiting room. we waited, waited and waited. Then My brother came to his room in a bed pumping oxygen and heartbeat. But he was not awake, not making any noises nor expecting any music I thought.

Mary kept saying "he is going to die, he is dying" I kept arguing, I was being optimistic, somewhat. I didn't want to lose him.

The nurses and doctors moved him down the hall to the first door on the right. A doctor, a quiet looker but gentle came to the waiting room. He sat down and talked softly to us about what was happening to Bob. Bob as he claimed slept underwater for about 30 minutes. Lots of water got in his body,some how Bob did not feel water. So Bob had Hemoptysis, he coughed up blood from all the water in his lungs and arteries. Bob did not have any oxygen, too much water in his brain claimed to damage Bob's brain. Bob was already brain-dead, basically half-dead on the way to hospital. I didn't want to accept that fact. The gentle doctor, and another doctor who is a really quiet man, but you could see the sadness in his eyes came to us. They talked to us about what to do with Bob being on ventilator, seeing he has no oxygen. We could take him off now and let him go, or wait 24 hours and see what happens.
Harsh decision, My mother had to make the decision in a such short of time. She decided to let him go. Mary and I were not doing so well accepting especially me not understand why my mother had to let him go.

Few hours later, I think about 4pm I held Bob's hand by myself with the nurse in the background... Bob's eyes half opened, with water coming out like teardrops, the ventilator machine pumping through a tube in his mouth along so many needles with sodium going in his veins. I watched Bob's eyes, hoping for him to wake up, and make some strange noises. But I turned and saw the machine's BP and Pulse..and Apnea, they kept going low, like a downhill. There were blood making circles around Bob's eyes, and nose. His arms,too. I cleaned, and the nurse did,too. For a long time, Bob laid there pumped oxygen with no body movement. After an half of an hour, I decided to go back to the waiting room to just sit for a long time.

Shout out to: Liz, Mary Ellen, Becky, Theresa, Jenny, Katie.. All of you thank you for being at the hospital.

After waiting for so long, talking with a stupid lady about organ donation *IT WAS A WRONG TIME*, and eating sammiches.

6pm, We were ready to let go of him, we knew Bob was already half dead and we have to let him go if he had no brain functions.

If Bob had no brain function, he couldn't function anymore. No nervous system telling the brain what to do, no reflex system... Already fried. So, We went into his room. The respiratory team turned off and took out his tube and ventilator machine.

The nurse decided to give Bob some morphine just in case if Bob had traumatic pain. Mary and Mother decided to sing to him. Hymns. Then Beatles for rest of the time. He laid there with his filled red eyes almost closed, breathing harshly. There were starting to be long pauses between his breathings. A minute longer every pause, the skin turned pale from feet to head.

Once his lips turned ghostly white, his head slowly turned right to rest. We all held his hands, becoming ice cold. We knew it was the moment, but Jenny I think asked the nurse to came to confirm.
She got the tall doctor to come, he put his finger on Bob's chest and wrist. "I am sorry, Yes", confirmed the tall blond doctor.
<crying part cut>

I thanked the blond doctor, strangely he gave me a hug along with Mary,as well.

I thanked him just because the staff tried their best. I love my brother, Bob. I wasn't ready, but I am sure he is somewhere good and resting peacefully. Watching all tv he wants to, eating all food he wants along with the Beatles music.


I love Bob. Bob. Rest In Peace with all applesauce with hot-dogs.

Current Mood: restless restless

2CommentReplyShare

Fri, May. 9th, 2008 11:41 am



locked! comment to be added, :D

2CommentReplyShare

Sun, May. 4th, 2008 11:31 pm

I do not mind writing in my livejournal.
it is great to vent out!
but, the problem is I don't really get any advices that often, and I don't know what to do, ever. So I stopped writing in my journal about anything.. and I don't know who read my journal besides Mary.
I got disappointed when no one commented or did my survey :'(

So, please comment if you read my journal, if not, I will de-friend you.

I need a favor.. I have DeviantArt and I need suggestions on what to improve to look better.. Can you guys see my Da and suggest what I could do? (http://thejerkx.deviantart.com/)
Pwease?

Current Mood: awake awake

11CommentReplyShare

Tue, Jul. 10th, 2007 12:42 am

All I ever try to do is help people. :(


12:29:45 AM cocoacupcakelove: min boo do you have a sweaty butt
12:29:47 AM cocoacupcakelove: be honest
12:29:56 AM wissahickon123: uhh?
12:29:57 AM wissahickon123: no
12:29:58 AM wissahickon123: why?
12:30:21 AM cocoacupcakelove: someone tipped me off about your sweaty butt problem
12:30:27 AM cocoacupcakelove: i can help you
but he doesn't want to be helped :(Collapse )

Current Mood: anxious aroused

4CommentReplyShare

Mon, Mar. 5th, 2007 07:13 pm
No, I don't want him talking to me.

1CommentReplyShare

Sat, Mar. 3rd, 2007 02:36 pm

Leaderboard
Create your own Friend Test here

1CommentReplyShare

Sun, Feb. 25th, 2007 07:54 pm

Comment with your favorite quote based on life, more like motivational.
Because I am going insane, I am doing a project. Filling a wall with quotes. so Please comment with your favorite quotes! Thank you!!

11CommentReplyShare